Dancing Updates.

Apologies for my low profile lately. I haven't really had much inspiration to start writing anything deep. I have kept on dancing and my dancing hours seem to be in a slight uptrend, but I feel like updates about my normal dance practices are not something much interesting. If someone disagrees, sure, I can share my thoughts, but without any objections I'll rather wait until some inspiration hits me.

I have been doing heaps of cool dancing things though. For example, my friend from Northern Finland came to visit Helsinki and we had many great WCS practices. It did really good for me since my technique still sucks. Its way too zouky: I'm too light, can't keep my frame and I dance above the floor. I got some of those 'oh now I think I got it' realizations and now I have many ideas how to improve my technique and styling. If only I had a regular practice partner like him *dreamy sighs*.

Also, I finally went and tried some contact improvisation. I have been having some practices with one of my dancer friends before, but couple of weeks ago I got encouraged and went to my first class and CI jam. Hm, how would I describe it... A good experience definitely; I got good new ideas and had some great moments. I now feel more confident with lifts, giving and receiving weight, and working with the floor. Maybe the biggest obstacle for me, however, is the lack of music. Dancing has always been so music-related thing for me so dancing without music feels strange. I want to live the beat, dance through the melody and interpret the lyrics. In CI the focus is not in the music, but in the contact. For me it even feels somehow strange that everybody call it dancing, but maybe it just takes some time to get used to.

One thing that has been taking a lot of time is the Zouk group choreography that we're doing for the Helsinki Zouk Festival. We have finally got all the pieces together, but it still requires so much work and polishing before we could even dream of climbing to the stage with it. I'm quite afraid that we're going to run out of time soon and I'm not the only one with my concerns. It was as recently as today when I watched my performance from video and realized how much more I need to give. Further, it is not just me who needs to nail it, but there are four couples that need to get all the timings right and synchronized. But we'll get there! Just practice, practice, practice!

Something that has been giving me the needed balance to the dance practices has been Kizomba. Actually its the only dance style I have been social dancing lately; no Zouk nor WCS socials in Helsinki, a fact that I'm not pleased with at all. Don't tell me I need to start dancing Salsa to be able to go to dance parties! Right, there has been some Finnish ballroom dancing parties but, I don't know, somehow I haven't been able to get any dance mood in those. Sucks. One more reason to be waiting eagerly the Zouk festival. Now that we're in the not-so-cool-things-topic, I could go on and complain about my Achilles tendon that has been teasing me for too long time now; some days it is even hard to dance without high heels because of the unpleasant tight and sore feeling. Maybe I need to admit that it is somehow infected and go to physio. Double-sucks.

For not ending the post with nagging, I'll tell you one more thing that has been pretty cool this month: giving dance classes. Last week I gave ladies styling tips in HOT's advanced class and got lots of great feedback from my teaching. I have also been teaching dance technique and body movement to gymnastics groups. And six months ago I thought teaching wasn't for me! Never say never.

So, until the inspiration hits.

What Makes a Good Dancer?

This is one of those posts that I started writing, because I felt like that would clarify my thoughts, but while writing ended  up being more confused. So I let it rest and came back to it. I started the post with a question of "what makes a good dancer?". This topic raised into my mind mostly because I felt like many dancers try to determine who is the best and make tight comparisons between others. I was wondering if there really was a set of criteria that determines whether someone is better dancer than another and if dancers can be put in line as who is the best, the second best etc. Tough questions with no simple answer.  Thus, I'll give it a second try and see how I do this time.

So, can dancers be lined up as their "superiority"?

Yes, might be your answer; isn't that, for example, what the dance competitions are for? However, I don't find it as simple or black-and-white as that, especially when it comes to partner dancing. A good partner dancer for me is - this is how I firstly tried to describe it - someone with who I enjoy dancing with. This doesn't necessarily have to be tied together with the "level" (e.g. beginner, intermediate, advanced) of the dancer - something that would in the first glance be an indication of how good of a dancer that person is. I can highly enjoy dancing with a beginner dancer and regard that person to be in a way "better" than an intermediate or advanced dancer. Sure, it is possible to draw some lines between beginner and intermediate level, but the lines are anyway very broad and fine. Besides, these classifications are not there to point out whether one is a good dancer or not - or can you sincerely say that any beginner dancer can't be a good dancer, or that any advanced dancer is a good one?

Then, is the superiority of dancers a highly subjective thing? In that case, is a good dancer simply someone who many people regard as a good dancer? Or is it just me, disregarding the others, who can make the distinction? What I said before about a good partner dancer being someone with who I enjoy dancing with, that would be exactly the case. But then again, there are definitely dancers who I might not enjoy dancing with, but who I undoubtedly regard as good dancers. So it is not that simple after all, is it! Maybe the most relevant question to ask, then, is that why I regard someone as a good dancer (or why I enjoy dancing with someone for that matter)? Nevertheless, even though there might be some more or less "objective", or rather generally accepted, measures for a good dancer - say, for example, great body control, impressing spinning technique, superior balance, good musicality etc. - I still think that the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that is, the superiority is just one's opinion. If there are others who agree, then there are several similar opinions.

Generally speaking, I don't like ranking dancers into general categories nor do I like superficially objective discussions of who is the best dancer or comparisons stating that one is better than another. All that is just about opinions and different preferences. I don't see the point of lining up dancers, because I think it creates mostly bad energy. In that sense it is pointless. What I like, though, are discussions about different strengths those dancers possess (or if you wish to be more criticizing or constructive perhaps, weaknesses). This makes it possible for the others to learn from those strengths and it also creates more positive energy. For me it is also fascinating to hear opinions about with who others find it enjoyable to dance with. It is interesting that some followers seem to prefer the same leaders as I do, while others have totally different taste. There are some followers whose opinions I have learned to listen carefully since those usually lead me to great dance experiences with leaders also she enjoyed dancing with. However, this doesn't in any way mean that some of my friends like dancing with bad dancers while others are better off with good dancers. We simply prefer different things. Just as I get along better with some people doesn't mean that they would be better people than those with who I don't get along with as well. Or that just because I prefer apples to oranges would make apples better fruit in general.

Then, if it is me who can decide who is a good dancer and who is not, can I also decide if I am a good dancer or not? Yes, that would be the case, though many times other's opinions seem to play quite a big role in that decision. So, do I see myself as a good dancer? There has been many times others have told me that I am a good dancer, but that is, ultimately, their opinion. So what is truly mine? Well, to start with, the main reason I dance is that I dance for myself. Sure, partner dancing is about giving and receiving, leading and following, so in that sense I dance for the others too. But if I danced just for the others, that is, just to impress them, I would be in a wrong path. Since I have had plenty of amazing dancing experiences, in other words, been very successfully dancing for myself and for the others at the same time, and I also have lots of strengths and good motivation to work on my weaknesses, I do think I am a good dancer. This is not to brag about myself, but simply my opinion. Well then, do I regard myself better than some other dancers? No, I don't want to line up myself nor the others. It is pointless. I'd rather think there are many good dancers than couple superior ones. Everyone have their strengths and weaknesses. That someone else is good is by no means something that is away from me, quite the opposite.

Phew, I don't know if that made my thoughts any more clear. Probably it just made also you confused. Well, I think I have to keep on clarifying my thoughts and to come back to this topic yet again. Or would you have an opinion to share?

Excitement.

I'm excited about this autumn. Excited because there are so many new dancing things happening. First of all, I'm excited about a Zouk group choreography that I'm part of. Actually I was pretty skeptical whether I would be accepted to the performance team in the first place, but there I am and more than happy to be in that position. We had our first practice last week and, wow, it is going to be so cool, I tell you! The performance is already in November so there is going to be hard work ahead of us. A lot of hard work. I love the song, so far love the the choreo and our team is great. So, yes, excited!

Secondly, I'm excited about Argentine Tango. I've had only two classes in Balanssi Studiot with Michaelo, but already falling in love with the dance. So detailed, so delicate, so challenging. I like the way the teachers teach in the studio; it is quite different to other dance classes I've been, but works really well. Even though I feel pretty lost at times, it is not a desperate kind of feeling, but more of enthusiasm to learn something completely new.

Thirdly, I'm excited about West Coast Swing. I'm so happy that I'm able to continue this dance after spending four months learning it in Raw Connection in Brisbane. Our class on Thursday afternoons is pretty crowded, but I like the fact that the teacher nevertheless makes sure that everyone gets something from the class. Last week he grabbed me after the class to go through my stepping technique for he was worried that I wouldn't get enough out from the course that he regards bit too basic for my level. I really appreciate this kind of personal attention some teachers give. And actually this week he kicked me out from the class and moved me to higher level.

Then, I'm excited about another choreography I'm planning to do with Michaelo also in November. We chose the song and the story of the dance couple of days ago and we're going to start building it soon. It is a very strong story so I'm excited to see how we're going to express it.

Next, I'm excited about Zouk ladies styling course that started last Saturday. This is the kind of course I've really been waiting for and I'm sure it will upgrade my dance technique. Plus, I have to give respect to Andressa for making my abs so sore I can't even remember when I had such a nice muscle pain over there!

What else I was excited about... Right, my Voguing classes started this week, yay! And yes, excited about yoga.

Since I didn't have any deeper to say this time, I tried to find some wise related quote to end the post... But I couldn't find something I was really looking for. Nevertheless:

“The end is never as satisfying as the journey. To have achieved everything but to have done so without integrity and excitement is to have achieved nothing.” - Unknown

Re-program Me.

Yesterday, oh my gosh, I had a terrible dance demoralization. I went to the autumn's first Zouk practica and left home, well, annoyed, pissed, sad, frustrated - some words to describe the overwhelming negativity in me. As soon as I got home I wanted to open my blog and publicly declare that I'm done with Zouk all in all. Fortunately as strong as my emotions sometimes get, I am aware that those will, after peaking, calm down. After couple of nice fb messages from dancer friends and a well slept night I am now ready to better examine that peaking. No, I'm not making that initially intended declaration for sure! Rather, I realize that I need to be re-programmed.

A lot of dancing is psychological, a fact that can be easily noticed from yesterday. In the beginning of the practica I felt good and I felt that I danced good. Little by little I started to get this suspicious feeling that the other dancers were judging me in some way; paying attention to my, oh still so many, mistakes in my technique. So I started to pay attention to those and - no surprise here - started to dance badly. The last straw was a dance with my teacher who not even slightly tried to hide that he was testing everything, every single move, on me, whether I was able to get through with those or if I was I a lost case after my six-month dance holiday. After that dance it was just impossible to dance well, follow well or to do anything well for that matter (not even that fake smile that I tried to put on, damn it). Why? Because I thought I couldn't and that restricted my dancing tremendously. If you think you can't dance well, you simply can't.

Those negative feelings I gathered during the evening reminded me some of the feelings I had about dancing six months ago. That I wasn't never good, that I was totally useless if I didn't go forward all the time, that it was my responsibility to improve if I wanted to get, as a prize for that improvement, enjoyment from dancing. And if I didn't see that improvement I got angry at myself. However, all of this negativity is just in my head; none of it is true. A better question is that why I had these kind of feelings again now that I'm back home? I never, ever, had that in Brisbane. The problem is, I think, that I have accidentally somehow programmed my mind to work that way here. So if there is some triggering factor, I easily overreact. As I said, I need to be re-programmed.

Really, there was no-one judging me. No-one except my hardest critic: me.

Dreaming?

Have you ever had a feeling when you wake up and you are like wait, did yesterday really happen? That is pretty much the feeling I'm having now.

Sure, I had my first WCS class yesterday at Comets Rock'n'Roll Dance Club that totally exceeded my expectations, but it is not that. I also, by sudden idea, went dancing to a lovely choir concert, but its not that either. Further, I received positive news that my Zouk practicing is, after all, going to continue this fall, but no, not that...

It is that I had, out of the blue, kind of a private Kizomba party last night. Dancing for hours until late with an amazing Kizomba dancer. Getting to know to this passionate dancer, hearing fascinating dance stories from a perspective of an instructor. Not being even slightly intimidated by the fact that I'm dancing with a dance teacher, as I usually easily am. No thoughts crossing in my mind, except couple of those is-this-really-happening-to-me-suspicions. Music, connection, magic. Unreal.

Or was it just a dream after all...?

Dance Directions.

Lately most of the dance bloggers have been posting their weekly autumn training schedules into their blogs. As I wrote earlier, I feel uneasy about having such fixed schedules, but I guess as a dance blogger this is one of the compulsory posts to make.

So, the last days I've been trying to figure out what is going to happen in my dance life this fall. Most of it has been reasoning that whether I should continue with Zouk or take another direction. On the other hand I would love to improve my Zouk even more and take a step towards to an advanced level, but on the other hand it might be good to give it a rest and try something else. There is of course the financial side of everything and also this influenced to my final decision. So here we go: its time put the dance style I've been dancing so much almost the last two years to a rest and direct my dance passion some other dance styles. Phew.

Now, I know some of you my beloved readers will object, but this doesn't mean that I would give up Zouk totally. I'm already looking forward that the autumn practicas will start rolling and there is no doubt I'd like to go dancing in Zouk parties. I'm also taking Andressa's ladies styling course and going to the Helsinki Zouk festival in November. What this means is that I won't put my objectives into improving constantly or think that I would have to get any better. I'll go forward if it comes naturally and if I don't then I won't stress about it.

So, what next then? Well, I have now signed in for a 12 week Voguing course and 10 week West Coast Swing course (even though I wouldn't like to fix my weeks, but this was almost the only possible and most affordable choice to make). Moreover, I was planning on going to Argentinean Tango every now and then. However, where I would want to put my biggest efforts into would be West Coast. I would like to find a good practice partner to get my technique sorted out and to be able to attend some bigger events with high-level teachers. Let's see how things work out.

I have also been wanting to start doing something for ages now. Something that contributes to dancing as improved strength, balance and flexibility, all of which I really need and want to improve. So now I've finally making it happen. I'm talking about yoga. Last month I had an excellent chance to do yoga outdoors when some of Helsinki's yoga instructors organized free yoga sessions in some of the many parks around the city. This week they opened a pop-up yoga studio called Pranama in the center of Helsinki and I just love the idea behind the studio: they want to make good quality yoga available to everyone by giving people an option to pay as much as they want from the classes. All the profit they make goes straight to the instructors and to their training. This is a place I'm definitely going to go weekly. Yoga has already made me feel a lot better in my body and that is something really important to a dancer: a healthy, strong and flexible body to dance with.

Yoga in the park together with almost 200 people. Photos by Sinebrychoff Park Rangers.

One of the things I want to include into my normal week, however, is enough emptiness. By emptiness I mean unplanning, flexibility, time for anything, spontaneousness, free evenings, random dancing, whatever comes to my mind at that moment. It might sound like I have already booked all of my days with the dance courses, but actually the timing of the classes enable me to have quite a lot of nothing for every day. If someone suddenly asks me to, say, have a dance practice or just to catch up maybe, I want to be able to make it happen if not the same day then the next. Being too busy is not good for me.

Kizomba Trance.

One reason why I love being back in Helsinki is Kizomba. Many people say that they don't get the idea behind the dance, but I seem to get more and more addicted to this dance style after each Kizomba party I go to. One of those happened last evening in bar Pacifico and it has been a while since I danced my feet as sore as I did there. It was great spending the whole party in the dance floor without having to ask anyone to dance with me. Call me an attention-seeker, but it just gives somehow good feeling for me. Helsinki Kizomba scene had the pleasure of having a Kizomba DJ from France in the party who turned out to be a great dancer too. I found a strong connection with him and we had quite a few dances together.

This led me to the following reflection. As some of you might know, I often end up dancing with only few dancers in Kizomba parties, but I dance quite a long time with them. I feel like one or two songs are not enough to find a good Kizomba connection and if I find a strong connection with someone I can easily lose the sense of time while dancing. I call this a Kizomba trance. But how many songs in a row is too much? Is it against the social dancing etiquette to "reserve" someone for yourself for a long period of time? Yes, many would say: social dancing is about giving everyone a chance to dance with everyone. So after a while, say five to ten songs in a row, I start to feel getting angry looks from the other ladies. But then again, it is not just me who decides the dancing to continue. The leader could at any point let go of me and go dancing with someone else. It is not that I'm forcing him to dance with me, no, it is he who wants continue. Right, it is rarely me who takes the first step to end our dancing, but am I still to be blamed? At some level I feel that it is part of the leader's role to do anyway. Not ending the dance is also kind of my way of saying I liked dancing with you. And yes, it is not just him who wants to keep on going.

I had this feeling also yesterday. After trying to leave the party but being brought back by one of my regular Kizomba leads, I went to the Kizomba trance with the visiting DJ and danced with him until the music stopped. We had a short chat about this topic after dancing. Later he send me a message saying that if the party had not stop he could have danced with me an hour or so more, but added humorously that in that case the other girls would have killed me.

So what should I do? Ignore all the angry ladies and label myself as being the irritating and selfish girl who steals all the best dancers (wow, that sounded supercilious - didn't mean it that way but you know what I mean)? Maybe not the wisest thing to do. I do understand their point of view: also I find it sometimes irritating if I can't dance with someone because he is too busy with other ladies. However, I want my Kizomba trances to happen. What if I make sure the others have had chances to dance with the leader before I steal him for myself, would that suffice?

Living From a Calendar.

One thing that many people seem to do in Finland is living their lives out from a calendar. There is always so much to do and so many people to see that there is not enough time for anything or anyone. Everything needs to be scheduled to make the most out of the little time there is. If you want to catch up with someone, it has to be agreed well in advance so both can reserve the time from their over-booked calendars. If you want time for yourself, you have to plan that or otherwise there is no time. Right, I might be exaggerating, but this is not too far away from the reality. And don't get me wrong, I used to be exactly like that too. It is so easy to get addicted being busy.

What I loved about Australians was that they lived their lives without such calendars. People were always up for something spontaneous and it was easy to make some plans in a short period of time. A big dinner with friends could be organized in just a few days warning. There was always someone available if I wanted some company. I didn't have to plan my life to be able to do what I enjoyed doing. I didn't have to have a calendar to be able to catch up with my friends. I never had to plan my weekends beforehand, yet I always ended up doing lots. Sure, my normal week included many dance classes, but nothing was fixed: if I felt like skipping one, I wasn't left behind nor did I suffer money-wise.

Now I feel that I don't want to go back to the calendar-centered life. I want to be able to be spontaneous and not the kind of person who never has time. But on the other had I feel like my surroundings are driving me into the opposite direction. If I want to see my friends I have to reserve the time from my calendar or otherwise I won't fit into my friends' calendars. If I want to take dance classes I have to commit to a certain weekday for the next four or five months. If there was more than one class per week, it would mean as many days already planned and scheduled. I would have to know now, since all the dance courses are starting, whether I would like to spend the next who knows how many Tuesdays (or whatever the weekday might be) in a row in that dance class. But I don't want to give up dance classes completely either. Tricky, isn't it?

Now that I have actually had time to do anything - or nothing for that matter - I have found out that it was useless to run away for something. Being busy might give a feeling that I'm living my life the fullest, but getting rid of that rush has enabled me to find an inner happiness inside me that seems to be somehow deeper than the more superficial happy feelings I might otherwise get. I do what I want exactly in that moment, not what I had planned previously.

Sure, if I have written "dancing" into my calendar, there is a huge probability that I will want to be doing exactly that when the day comes. I just feel anxious about the thought of having fixed weeks. Nevertheless, the dance courses are starting from the next week onwards, so I have to make some decisions soon. Maybe it is then just a matter of how many fixed days I'm willing to have in my upcoming weeks?

J-Zouk.

Have you been wondering if I ended up dancing in Japan? If you have, this is the post to read!

So, my six-moth adventure to down under ended with 10-day stop over to Tokyo on my way back home. It has been five years since I lived in Japan for an year, and this was the first time to come back. It goes without saying that returning to this special place brought back heaps of good memories and that I was delighted to meet many of my old Japanese friends and spend some time with them. The short visit made me realize how much I missed the country, the people and the culture.

One of my dancing friends from Brisbane visits Tokyo quite frequently and told me that there was a small Zouk community to be found from the city. I, of course, had to check that out and see how the Japanese dance my beloved dance style. And what a warm welcome I got! I was able to make friends with many amazing and friendly individuals during my short but intensive visit, dance many great dances, take part to a Zouk class and even give a class of my own!

Everything started with Saturday's Zouk party, Paraiso de Zouk, organized by Tokyo ZOUK Scene. I took with me my best Japanese friend who was hosting me during my stay and we had a blast. The party wasn't that big and it was more Lambada style of Zouk, but what made the night especially great was that the dancers took us into their group with open arms. While we were getting home by train one of the dancers invited me and my friend to come to sailing with him and his friends the next day. Since we didn't have much planned, we woke up early the next morning and had beautiful Sunday in the sea with our new friends (some nice dancing included!).

As you might know, space is quite limited in Tokyo and so the places to dance are pretty small. Many of the social dancing events and dance classes are held in small clubs around Tokyo. After the sailing day I wanted to check out a Zouk class and to dance again with my new friends and so I found a beginner class followed with social dancing in a small club in Shinjuku. After the class I was chatting to the local teacher throwing an idea of giving a ladies styling class and, can you believe, he organized everything for me and only two days later I was teaching a class of twenty-something dancers! Many of the attendees skipped their normal dance classes or cancelled their other plans just to make it to my class and I even got some male dancers to my ladies styling! I was astonished. Such a short notice and so many dancers. These dancers wanted to learn from me just after seeing me dance in the couple social dancing events I went to. The class was kind of exciting experience for me since it was my first own dance class that I taught. I loved sharing my knowledge and the feedback I got couldn't have made me happier. Everybody seemed to enjoy my class and I believe I was able to give something new to everyone. 

It was interesting to notice that almost all of the female dancers in Tokyo also learn to lead. This also resulted me being a leader for many times. Great challenge after not leading for ages! Some other general notes from the Zouk scene are that even though the scene is quite small there are many opportunities to dance Zouk. What they are lacking, though, is professional Zouk teachers. However, people seem to be ready to learn and they are open to try out new things. So, if you ever happen to go to Tokyo, I advice you to go and meet these dancers! They have such a friendly and warm dance community.

To end, I want to tell about one special dancer who I met during my visit. What a gentleman, passionate dancer and big soul he is. It was that instant dance click that we had and he became somehow close to me during the short time we had. It is unbelievable how bad it can feel to say goodbye to someone who I just met. This is what dancing does; it opens doors to a deeper connection between individuals. I can't wait the next time to dance with him.

Also, a huge thanks belongs to my best friend for hosting me and for coming to all the dance events with me! I really need to go back to this city and to these people more often.

(Is It) Good to Be Back (?)

My silence here might reflect the quiet dancing life I've had since I came back home. My life, then again, hasn't been that quiet. I've hardly been home nor in Helsinki, and I've taken every chance to go somewhere away from the city. Does this mean running away? Maybe. I couldn't say that I have been taking that good care of myself either; during the last couple of weeks I have exhausted myself both physically, emotionally and socially. I can't remember the last time my body has felt so stiff, strength-less and hard as it did couple of days ago. This can't, and won't, go on. I need to stop and see my life in a new light. There is no use running away or avoiding the present.

I do have to admit that I got bit depressed coming back to Helsinki's small Zouk scene. It just feels so tiny after Brisbane. Every time I open Facebook I see my friends posting pictures and videos from different dance parties and events where I can't go any more. It is not a jealous feeling I get and I do love seeing my friends' joy from their smiles, but it just somehow makes me feel down. A good example is maybe a video I saw from Brisbane's Zouk flash mob rehearsal. They had almost hundred people, whilst we had almost ten. Hurray. Seriously, all you Brissy dancers should realize how great dance community you have there!

Enough with complaining though! I am now in a situation where I can make a new and exciting life for myself. I have no idea how it is going to turn out, but I have all the opportunities to make it as I wish. I don't know what dance styles I'm going to continue or start. All I know is that I'm going to be in Helsinki at least until the next summer. And there is a lot in Helsinki.

Furthermore, there have been some pleasant dance surprises. A week ago I found myself from a great Kizomba party in Helsinki. Lots of dancers, good visiting teachers, great atmosphere. What a nice feeling it was to dance again with my favourite Kizomba leaders and to notice that the connection still was as good as it was the last time. It seems that Kizomba has gained more popularity and that the dance scene is growing steadily. What great news for me! I also had a special guest with me in the party: one of my Aussie dance friends came to visit me for the weekend. Thanks for coming beautiful, it was so nice to have you here!

This weekend, then again, I found myself from a WCS event in Tampere. Yes, I was pretty sceptical about it beforehand, but when I got there I was really happily surprised! There is good West Coast Swinging in Finland after all, yay! It has been a while I have been feeling high from dancing, but the event did the trick even though I was able to attend only the Saturday's and Sunday's social dancing. There are some more nice West Coast events to come this fall where I'm definitely considering going to, and apparently I could find some regular classes from Helsinki too. I have so much to learn from this marvellous dance style! The weekend made me feel even more motivated to improve and get rid of my Zouk manoeuvres that push through to my West Coast. I also had a spontaneous WCS dance practise after the actual event with a dancer who I tempted to stay in Tampere for an extra day to hang out and dance. If only he lived in Helsinki and I would have the perfect practice partner for West Coast...

So now I'm again back in Helsinki. Maybe it is the time to slow down for a while before my studies and work starts. Time to think what kind of life I want to build. Time to wonder what I want from dancing. Time to keep on loving my life as it is.

Never Say Goodbye.

I sit in the Sydney airport waiting for my connection flight. Everything feels unreal. My body is tired after a way too short and restless night, but that is nothing compared to my emotional exhaustion. I have been avoiding to think the inevitable. All I wanted from my last days was happiness, laughter and smiles. No tears, no goodbyes, no sad moments, I told to everyone, including myself. There were moments I felt the sadness reaching me, but I pushed it away. I didn't start packing before the last minute possible; it felt like too concrete and scary thing to do.

But now it is time to admit that I am leaving.

There are not many things I hate, but I do hate goodbyes. I feel extremely sad leaving Brisbane, though at the same time I feel happy to feel sad: it means the time I spent there was worth every moment. Still, I can't help the overwhelming feelings from taking over me. My heart simply feels so heavy and I can constantly feel my tears trying to push through. The problem with happiness is that you get addicted and just want to have more. I want to stay. I want to keep my life as it is now. But life changes constantly and this is just one of my turning point. At the moment, yes, it hurts, but eventually good things won't hurt but rather make your life more meaningful.

My last weeks in Brisbane were simply amazing. I felt like I got to know some people a lot better in a short period of time. I met new amazing people. I had who knows how many farewell parties! I had my farewell dances in Rio's and Casa's. I went to new places and started to see the city in a different light. I spend lots of time with my friends and danced as much as I could. I lived every moment even more intensively. It was a perfect ending for my six month trip.

Leaving doesn't mean forgetting. Leaving doesn't mean losing the memories. Leaving doesn't mean goodbye. That is why I won't say goodbye. I will be back.

During my last few days I got huge amount of messages from my Brissy friends and I'd like to share some parts of them here:

"I remember the first couple of dances I had with you, a short journey of discovery. I in so many ways felt like a little child with a new toy... I explored new fields of connection, I had found someone to engage on the dance floor in a way I had never encountered before."

"You are our dream that none of us will forget. Thank you very much for being like a breath of fresh air."

"You have been like a ray of sunshine to the dancing scene in Brisbane. It has been pleasure to watch you dance and also be part of a little community of people you have brought together since you have been here - that quality you have, your beautiful personality as well as your beautiful dancing is what we will all miss the most."

"I think you are an amazing person and I love your smile and authenticity. You are definitely one of my favorite dancers to dance with."

"It was always a pleasure to watch you dance; the way you express yourself through dancing is highly inspiring. As a matter of fact, I will never forget how you danced with me on my birthday dance. We should have more of us like you!"

"My favorite memory of you is you and dancing! Watching you dance, dancing with you, every move you've taught me, every time you've done a steal with me! Your passion is infectious and your ability is astonishing."

"I think I've been to about five times more parties in the last couple of months than I usually do thanks to you!"

"It was great meeting you and thanks for the awesome dance inspiration and lessons - you really did play a big role in getting me hooked."

"Every dance [with you] is an adventure not everybody makes it our alike!"

"When I started dancing with you the first thing I thought was how easy it was to dance with you. Perhaps this was because you are such a great dancer, one of the best I've ever danced with, but beyond that I think it's because we feel things in a similar way."

"A big part of me just wants you to stay!"

I would like to thank you everybody from the bottom of my heart for your overwhelming words and for making my journey unforgettable. I don't have to mention names; you know that I'm talking about you.

Thank you so much.

Special Memories.

I am pretty against using intoxicants while dancing, and I think especially drunk dancing can be dangerous not only to yourself but others too. I don't like dancing drunk; it makes me numb and unbalanced, and I want to feel the dancing in my body the fullest. I also want to be able to trust my dance partner and not be afraid that he might accidentally drop or hurt me in some way because he is drunk. One of the reasons I fell for dancing was that I was able to go out and spend the whole night in the dance floor without being surrounded by drunk people.

However, the other night I had a small piece of special brownies before dancing. I have never had those kind of brownies before, but the effect I had in the dance floor was... wow! It wasn't like being drunk at all, but more like being my normal self with my senses made more sensitive. The music was loud and all I could hear; it blocked out all my thoughts. It was like the time slowed down: when I thought that the song was about to end it actually was only half way through. I had so much time to react to my partner's lead that I felt like being 100% synchronized. I could feel the tiniest lead and weight change and even the floor vibrating strongly due to our steps. I was able to feel every single touch so much more strong than ever before. My movements weren't uncontrollable at all and I glided slowly through the music. I was so relaxed and couldn't think of anything else but the extremely good feeling dancing gave me. It didn't matter with who I was dancing with; most of the time I had even forgotten who was leading me. There was nothing else, just that moment and that dance that seemed to last forever. It was an instant and strong dance flow.

Do not get me wrong, this was just one time experience for me and not here to encourage others to do same. There was an opportunity for which I went for. After all, this blog is a place where I want to store my dancing memories and dancing that night was different and, I must admit, simply amazing for me. Mind-blowing even! One more extraordinary memory to store to my dance world!

I'm having my last couple of days in Brisbane before flying to Tokyo and finally back home to Helsinki, so you can imagine how busy I have been lately having the last dances and catching up with everyone. So, I'll come back to my feelings about the whole Australia trip and going back home when I actually have time to sit down and figure out my confusing emotions that are going through me at the moment. Oh, I'm going to miss this life I'm having here so much!

Twentythree.

And so Michaelo went back home, reminding me once again how short time I have left: 23 days to be exact. He was replaced by my best friend and soon also my family is coming over. Now is the time of my trip to go sightseeing in and around Brisbane that I have been saving for my visitors. Its going to be lots of adventures and unforgettable memories! Unfortunately, all this will mean a lot less dancing. With Michaelo it was easy, because he is as much dance addict as I am, but taking a non-dancer to a dance party... just doesn't work. It means either that the non-dancer will be super bored while I am in the dance floor or that I will feel horrible not being able to go to the dance floor while keeping company to the other. One thing is for sure though: I will need my dance fix every week or else I'll get restless. I just have to make sure my friend has something to do while I go and dance my heart out. It is not that I don't want to spend my time with her, but that I'm simply addicted to dancing.

Okay, lets get into the topic of dancing and something that many dancers do to improve: private classes. During the two years of dancing I have never done a private dance class. I've had plenty of one-on-one dance practices but never a real private. Last Thursday changed the situation, but I didn't settle just for one: I had my first private as a student as well as a teacher!

Luckily, I was able to exchange the prizes we won in the Zouk competition to a private from Kadu and Larissa and make it happen before Michaelo headed back to Finland. We were both pretty excited about the class, taken that these teachers were the first Zouk idols we both had when starting dancing Zouk. I remember us watching their videos together, being amazed of their technique and precise movements. And there we were, going to their private that we won from a competition organized by them. You can imagine the child-like wide smiles on our faces.

I don't know how privates usually go, but what I wanted out of it was corrections and 'cleaning' of my Zouk technique, not any new movements or figures. The feedback we got was really positive and there weren't any major issues to correct. Kadu spoke well especially of our musicality. However, we both got some good tips of some smaller things we could pay attention to. It was more talking than dancing really, which I found good because we can practice the small details later together now that we are aware of those. I got at least two new things to concentrate on that I haven't realized doing badly before. It was also good to learn of their styling that is in some parts quite different to Freddy and Andressa's. All in all, very successful first private and I have already been trying the new things out while social dancing.

What comes to the private as a teacher, one dancer contacted me to give him a Kizomba class after dancing with me in DouDouLe. I wanted to give him a good start to the dance and asked Michaelo to help me with the class. I'm very happy with the results he made and hopefully gave him motivation to keep on learning more, even though unfortunately we won't be able to have another class with him. Wow, my first dollars earned as a dancer, how cool is that!

Another thing about teaching Kizomba happened last Wednesday when me and Michaelo organized a Kizomba evening at my place. As I have been saying before, I have been missing dancing Kizomba in Brisbane and I think that the approach to the dance here is wrong in a sense that the focus is somewhere else than in the connection which I regard as the most important thing in Kizomba; it is like two bodies moving as one. The evening had great turn over and our living room was filled with eager and well-motivated dancers. We concentrated on the fundamentals and tried to make the people to understand the feeling and basic movement of the dance. Everybody seemed happy with our approach and I had a feeling that everybody really wanted to listen carefully what we were saying and teaching. After the class we had couple of hours of free dancing and I simply loved the view of my living room full of couples concentrating on their connection, eyes closed and soft smile on their face. Later many of the attendees have been coming to me saying that these kind of home Kizomba evenings should become a regularity, because they loved the evening so much.

I don't know if it is the awareness that I am leaving soon, but I now seem to get even more out of the social dancing. Last Friday the Brisbane Zouk dancers were spoiled with choice when there were three parties to go to. It is great to have a choice but it meant less dancers for each party. I went for Zouk and the City party at Normanby hotel which wasn't that huge success, but I nevertheless had many amazing dances there that were a stand out from the hundreds (or more likely thousands) of dances I've had here. Also Saturday's 50/50 party included some mind-blowing dances with many dancers. You know, those kind of dances after which you are just speechless. I also had my first really great Zouk with Kadu for which I was super happy about. I haven't had sore feet from dancing for a while, so I must have spend quite some time on the dance floor during those nights, even though it didn't feel like that at all. Amazing dancing nights, simply amazing.

There is one thing I must criticize though, and this must result from the awareness that I am leaving soon. There are many dancers I want to dance with and especially now I don't want to miss the last chances to dance with them. In Saturday's party there were many moments when I was clearly going towards someone to ask him to dance with me, when another dancer suddenly grabbed my back and stopped me. In this kind of moment it didn't matter who it was stopping me, but it was hard to enjoy the next dance with him because of the way our dance started. For me it is really hard to say no if asked for a dance, but it doesn't mean that I'm a fare game whenever walking free in a dance party. If I need to get a zip of water or have a short break, I do it clearly by walking away from the dance floor, avoiding taking any eye-contact and placing myself somewhere as far away from the dance floor as possible. If I am clearly making an eye-contact with someone I'd like to dance the next song with, and walking towards him, it doesn't mean that anyone who is faster getting a hold on me, would be entitled to have that dance instead. I have even been taken away after I started the dance with someone else ("hey, I think its my turn now, if you don't mind" - well, I do!). Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I can spend the whole night in the dance floor without asking anyone to dance myself, but there should be some manners, don't you agree.

So, 23 days to go. Another 23 amazing days.

Back to the Stage.

Yet another year has passed in my life. This year my birthday weekend was made of three great dance nights with many amazing dances, a win in a dance competition, performing a Zouk choreo, birthday brunch with dancer friends, good work-outs, surprise flower delivery, lazy mornings, wonderful Australian birthday-dinner, legendary AFL match, and much more.

Photos by Alex James Jackson and Min Wye Chan. Video by Alex James Jackson.

Going back to the stage with our Zouk choreography was again an exciting experience. It has been five months since last time we did the choreo with Michaelo and it was great to notice how much both of us have been going forward with our dancing. It was so much easier to get the flowy feeling we were trying to achieve last time. Even though during the performance I felt like my technique was failing pretty badly (especially because I couldn't spin in the sticky floor), it didn't really show that much outside and I was happy to the extent I was able to bring my real emotions into my performance. Showing genuine emotions in a dance performance is apparently something new here. Some in the audience were quite confused seeing me cry, but many came to tell me how much our emotions touched them.

I think there are two sides in performing: the technique and the feelings. If one of those are missing, its only half way there. Many dance performances are about showing some cool and exciting moves, tricks or lifts. Those are sometimes impressive to watch, but the best and most inspiring performances are about telling a story and making the audience feel something. Those are the kind of performances that give me the chills and reach my heart. I couldn't imagine myself performing a choreo that was emotionally 'flat'. In every performance I want not only to act the emotions, but really feel and live them through. I smile because I feel the happiest person in the world, and I cry because I feel heart-broken. I don't like putting on a fake smile nor can I force myself cry. The extreme emotions are one of the best, though sometimes the toughest, things in performing.

One dancer told me the other day that it is not Brisbane dance scene that has spoiled me, as I wrote in my previous post, but that I have spoiled the dance scene here. I know that I dance differently, more open, with my feelings and emotions attached, and that is not something dancers usually do here in social dancing. It would be amazing if I was able to leave some kind of influence here; that dancing is something more than figures and moves. On top of technique and rules, dancing is about connection and feelings, and this goes to dancing socially as well in the stage.

Feeling of Dancing.

Last night was a thrill. Kadu and Larissa organized an Ilha do Zouk warm up party at Rio Rhythmics and they had a small Zouk improvisation competition there, which I took part with Michaelo. And can you believe that we won! Unbelievable, my third competition in a row that I came first. Funnily, we got a six week Zouk course as a prize, but we both are leaving before it even starts. Hopefully we'll be able to change that for couple of privates. Anyway, here is short video from the finals:

It is not about winning competitions though. I don't feel like being any better dancer because of those, nor do I take part to win. It is the feeling when I share my dance not only with my partner but also with the cheering audience. My blood fills with adrenaline and I can feel it going all the way to my toes and fingertips. It tingles. My steps become shaky and I have to fight to keep my movements calm. My attention seems to be naturally drawn into that physical reaction, but that is not what I want. I want to feel my partner's reactions, hear the cheers, listen what emotions the music raises in me, and not let that adrenaline boost ruin my whole dance technique. It seems that it is with Michaelo when I get my biggest boosts. Our feelings and emotions give strength to each other, they are strongly connected.

Having Michaelo here has meant lots of discussions about dancing. What is my motivation to dance? How do I want to grow as a dancer? What do I want to do with dancing? Is my desire to perform? To teach some day maybe? To compete? All I can say that I don't know what I will want from dancing in the future; I might want something else what I want now. At the moment the most important thing is to enjoy dancing with my whole heart. I do want to improve and by practicing remove any obstacles that limit my abilities to dance and get those magical dancing moments. I realize that removing the obstacles is a never-ending journey, but it is a journey of joy. I don't dance to show-off or to impress, nor would I like to teach dancing to boost my dance ego. It all comes down to enjoyment, happiness and overwhelming feelings.

Everyone knows the saying: dance like no one is watching. Even though I believe that dancing isn't something to hide and that sharing and showing the passion to everyone else gives so much more than keeping it to oneself, there is some wisdom behind the saying. When observed outside, dancing is very visual form of expression. Most of the times dance practices or classes concentrate on how you look when dancing and how you should change your movement, posture, hand positions, technique, patterns and so on, to look better. Sometimes the practices center around dance connection, but it is only rarely when the concentration is on how you feel. For many dancers it would many times be good to dance like no one was watching to change the concentration from looks into feelings.

For me dancing is all about feelings. It is not that I wouldn't want to look good when I dance - especially when dancing in front of an audience I most definitely want to look good - but it is more that I don't want my body to be an obstacle of making the dance beautiful and graceful, or maybe ugly if that is what the music is telling. But if looking good becomes my main reason to dance, I'm going into a wrong direction. If someone tells me she or he likes the way I look in the dance floor, I am delighted, but a comment that someone loves to watch me in the dance floor because it shows how much I enjoy and love dancing really makes my day.

The biggest connection between you and your dance partner can be between your hearts. If there are no feelings, what is left?

Those (Careless) Dancing Days Are Gone.

So Michaelo came and changed my daily routines totally. As you might guess, my daily-life now consists even more dancing. I want to take Michaelo out dancing as much as I can and have daily dancing practices with him, but also keep up with West Coast, seeing my friends and skyping with my love. At the same time I have been trying to prep for my finals, and give as much time as possible to Michaelo. Phew, not much extra time to spare to write here! Anyway, what a true dancing partner Michaelo is, traveling all the way here for me. It has been so amazing to start every day with a morning Zouk practice and sometimes even ending the day with some more dancing in our living room. He has also made me realize how much I have been missing dancing Kizomba. How much I've missed him, our dance connection and our friendship.

The feedback from my Zouk dancing has been much needed, but tough: I have developed some horrible bad habits here. It has been time to come back to reality from my careless dancing days and work on my dance technique. I have quite many things I need to work on, and the worst thing about bad habits is that they are hard to get rid of. However, the most important thing is that now all those small details have caught my attention and it is just matter of time and practice to get them to my muscle memory.

When it comes to the dance technique, it is sometimes hard to make a distinction between times when to be strict and critical on yourself, compared to times when you just have to let everything go, forget about worrying the right technique and simply enjoy dancing. If you are never critical, you'll never get better. If you can never let go, you can never truly enjoy dancing. Now that all those small details are going wild in my head, I've found them reminding of themselves even when it is time for me to enjoy. I wish it would be easier to give up those thoughts. The technique I have at that very moment is something I shouldn't really work on in dance parties - that is what the practices are for. I don't want to lose the amazing and relaxed feeling I have found while social dancing in Australia. I dance the best when I'm not thinking, so please save your presence to the dance practices you critical thoughts of mine!

There has been couple of pretty cool dance things happened I want to share with you. Firstly, last Sunday at Casablanca's Salsa Seduction, I accidentally won a dance show-off! The thing was to dance one minute of each Salsa, Bachata and Zouk with someone, and since I'm always open for cool new things, I grabbed the nearest familiar leader and jumped in. The judges chose two couples to the finale on the criteria that who had the most fun in the dance floor, and the finals were judged by the audience. This was difinitely one of those times where I successfully 'forgot' my dance technique. Evidently, I had fun!

Secondly, and more importantly, I had my first dance teaching experience when Michaelo and I gave a Kizomba class at my friend's dance party this Saturday. It was something that I really loved, especially seeing how the atmosphere turned from somehow awkward and tense into this relaxed and intimate warm embrace. Seeing those genuine smiles on everyone's faces was simply heart-warming. It shows that everybody really enjoyed the class and that we were able to convince most of them how beautiful and sensual dance Kizomba can be. Since far in Brisbane Kizomba has just been series of steps and figures, but we successfully showed that Kizomba is something more - a strong connection between the two. We already planned for a next session which I'm looking forward to. Sharing that Kizomba love is wonderful.

Photos by Darren Reddacliff and Michael Don

You know the feeling when watching a good dance teacher couple and you go: oh wow, what a connection, I wish I was able to dance like that with someone! That Kizomba night I realized others watching me and Michaelo in that way. One might think it could have made me feel high and mighty, but no, it made me realize, once again, how lucky I am to have someone with who I have such a strong dance connection.

Spoiled Little Dancer.

I have only less than two months to go in Brisbane. That is a scary thought. I'm afraid of going back, because I've gotten spoiled. Spoiled of having as much social dancing as I want to do. Spoiled of having great dancers and friends around me all the time. Spoiled of feeling like a special and great dancer. Spoiled of being able to enjoy dancing the most.

If there is only one big dance party during the weekend, I get irritated. If I don't get couple of wow-factoring dances during any dance party, I am surprised. If I don't see my dancer friends for a week, I feel strange. My life is so full of dancing, and I love it. My roommate asked me one day: 'Do you really dance every day?' I went: 'Well, I have classes only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And wait, Mondays I go Popping. Oh, and Wednesday Hiphop. Then there's the dancing parties at least every Friday and Sunday, and occasionally on Saturdays. Right, so that would count as a yes!'

I can't say that I have been feeling home sick since I got here. I've missed my friends, but they are still reachable with Facebook and Skype. I've missed a bigger wardrobe, but somehow always managed to combine my small selection of clothes to fit every occasion. I have missed getting around easily, but most of the time there is someone nice to give me a ride home after dancing. Therefore, I can't really say that I'm looking forward going back. If I didn't have the special someone waiting for me in Helsinki, I just might apply for working holiday visa and stay an extra year.

Okay I admit, there are some things that I do miss. I hugely miss dancing Kizomba. I miss having proper one-on-one dance practices. I miss dancing with specific dancers. I miss the amazing European dance festival culture. I miss good Bachata dances. I miss dance practices with mirrors. I miss cloakrooms where to leave my valuables while I disappear to the dance floor for the night. I miss long dance parties that last till late.

The last two months are going to be different. I have two amazing friends and my family coming over, and I'll be done with my studies here in few weeks time. I feel privileged to have friends that will travel literally to the opposite side of the world to see me, although it will be exciting to see how I can be the perfect host my friends deserve and still keep on with my spoiling dancing life.

DouDouLe.

Note to self: two intense dance weekends in a row might be pretty hard for your body! I felt like a dance junkie on Sunday evening when waking up after seriously needed three hour afternoon nap, feeling absolutely horrible, but still crawling out from the bed and getting ready for Casablanca's Sunday dancing - the final party for DouDouLe.

There is one wonderful person living in Brisbane who is passionate about building the Latin dance scene here, and he is the man behind last weekend's DouDouLe Latin Dance Camp. I have high respect to those people who do these kind of things and work really hard to make dance events to happen. Therefore I'd like to express my highest thanks for Jean-Luc for organizing an amazing weekend of dance.

The idea behind DouDouLe is to bring different dance schools together under the same roof to share their love to dancing. The workshops included huge variety of dance styles: Salsa, Zouk, Bachata, Kizomba, Samba, Reggeaton, Tango, Samba de Gafieira and ChaCha. I'm proud to say that I went to my first ever Salsa class during the weekend! (Result: nah, still not the dance for me.) Other than that I mostly wandered between the Zouk workshops, but attended as a leader. Maybe I should have taken advantage the variety and tried something new, but how could have I missed Kadu&Larissa's or Alisson&Audrey's classes?

I love this shot; my first great leader picture!

However, when organizing any event, you cannot please everyone, and when there is so many different people, it is simply impossible. Don't take me wrong, I had heaps of fun during the weekend, but for me there was something crucial missing. I go to dance events to dance as much as I can with as many people as I can.  I like learning new things in workshops, but it is the dance parties that I'm the most excited about. The best memories from every dance event are from the dance floor. The parties are the places where I can be blown away with amazing dances and unexpected dance connections. What didn't work for me in DouDouLe was that it didn't give me enough opportunities to create those precious memories. Too much time was used for dance performances and other entertainment. Few dance performances are nice to watch, but not more than ten in a night, especially when you are surrounded by people you are craving to dance with. People with who you might not have an opportunity to dance with after that night.

I loved the idea of bringing different dancers and dance styles together. However, I think this concept would have worked better if those dance styles included only partner style of dances. After watching the performances for hours and waiting the party to get started, I was more than happy to finally get to the dance floor. Shortly after getting into the dance mood, however, my long-waited party was interrupted by a group of Samba musicians who successfully made the Samba girls crazy, but left the ones who were there for partner dancing to wait for a 'proper' music to kick back in. When it finally did, most of the dancers who I was hoping to dance with had disappeared or gotten themselves drunk. It is not that I regard partner dancing better than solo dancing, but that is what I went there to do. If I wanted to party dance solo, I could go to a night club. I want to highlight that this is what I felt, and that I don't want to underestimate the hard work everybody had put into the weekend.

That said, the weekend was definitely worth going to. The atmosphere was so warm and welcoming, maybe because it was a closed area where everybody stayed the whole weekend. I was finally able to dance with Alisson, a Zouk teacher from Perth, had the best Kizomba dances in Australia with a dancer from Melbourne, and experienced couple of other strong dance connections. It is amazing feeling when you start to dance with someone and you feel like being one with the other. It is like every inch of you were synchronized. It feels so good. On top of that, I was surrounded the whole weekend by all my wonderful friends I have met while dancing in Brisbane. With that setting, how couldn't I feel like a top of the world?

If I would like to compare the two dance weekends, the best of Swingsation was that I learned so much, but in DouDouLe I felt more like being united and sharing my passion to dance with my friends. DouDouLe was a relaxed and fun event with open-minded and friendly people, all connected by a big heart for dancing. Thank you everybody for making me feel so happy and loved during the weekend.