Helsinki Zouk & Samba Festival.

Wow, last weekend was so amazing. I went to the third Brazilian Zouk & Samba Festival in Finland and the event made me, if possible, even more addicted to this flowing dance. Now I cannot even wait the next time I can go zouking and I am already planning to attend some Zouk Congress somewhere in Europe. I have also been thinking if I should concentrate on Zouk more after I am done with Spex showings. Now I am doing lots of different dances, and even though they support each other, it would be great to know one dance really well.

I feel like I learned so much during the dance classes. First of all, I noticed that I have been going some basic things really wrong. During the classes I was able to fix some of those but when I went to the parties and just had fun dancing I easily slipped back to my old bad habits. Now I have a dozen things in my mind that I want to go through with JV in our coming practices. What made the classes superb were our international teachers Freddy and Andressa who were so inspirational, fun, motivating and talented teachers and dancers. I could have watched their dancing for hours, wow!

Even though I registered as an intermediate/advanced, it was a good decision to attend beginner class on Friday evening. We mostly practiced the basic movement and rhythm that is crucial to any figures in Zouk. I really enjoyed the class and it gave me lots. I liked the way the class was structured because after the class those who really were beginners were already able to go dancing in the Friday evening's party. The party was great and hot, but I had to go home early because my lower back started to hurt. I was quite worried about the pain but fortunately my back felt good the next morning.

Saturday we had three intermediate and advances Zouk classes and a beginner Samba class. In Zouk classes Freddy and Andressa taught us lots of different figures. I liked that the figures were taught really detailed, so even though some of them were complicated everybody were able to learn all of them. Unfortunately my camera is broken so I cannot post videos about the figures here (if I get someone else's videos, I'll post them later). Samba de Gafieira was a totally new dance for me, and it is so different to competition Samba, so I am glad the classes started with the very basics. Saturday ended with the best Zouk party I've ever been. I was in a Zouk flow for hours! Amazing feeling and memorable dancing. What made me happy was a comment from an experienced Zouk dancer with who I danced couple of songs. He said I was an exceptional dancer and that I could become really good in Zouk if I wanted to. And oh yes, I do want to.

[Edit:] Here is Freddy and Andressa's musicality demo during which they also make most of the figures we learned:

Sunday finished the festival with two Zouk and two Samba classes. Again I learned a lot new things. I must admit that the last class was maybe a bit too much for me already because I found myself unable to concentrate on my steps and following. Tired but happy, that describes my feelings after the festival. I was right before: I would have missed a lot if I didn't go there. Thank you everybody for making my weekend special.

The Stage.

Today we had our first Spex rehearsal in Gloria and we were finally able to see the stage where we'll be performing in less than two weeks. Actually the stage was bigger than I imagined but the auditorium didn't look that big and scary at all! Having the rehearsal in the actual stage made everybody think how close the premiere is. I think the dances went good and everybody is doing better every time.

However, at the moment I am not as close as excited about the forthcoming showings as I was before. It is not because I would be bored dancing the same choreography over and over again, or that I would be somehow nervous of not doing well. One thing that made me addicted to dancing from the beginning was that it forced me to be me. Now when I enter the stage I feel fake. I am not being me but I have to act someone else. Well, I'm performing in a play, so it was wrong to expect something else I guess. Being me is just not enough. The problem is that when I cannot be me, I don't get the joy I usually get from dancing. I know it is really important to pay attention to every single detail in group dancing, but you know what? I'd rather see myself in the stage being me and enjoying what I do than doing all the moves perfect.

By the way, yesterday Nic had his birthday and I was able to induce him to Noche Romantica's small Christmas dance party to Havanna. The place was packed and it was exactly what I needed. I think I didn't stop smiling the whole evening! The best thing was that Nic agreed to dance with me after... how long is it now, four months? Wow. All I can say is that he is an awesome Salsa dancer, and I tried my best to take the most out of that unusual situation. Nic said that I have learned a lot since last time we danced, some things he maybe even couldn't teach me. It is funny how you cannot see some obvious things others see easily. As soon as Nic said that to me I realized I have become a lot more relaxed when dancing.

Yesterday's party reminded me once again what is the most important thing about dancing: to have fun. I am confident that I will find myself also from the stage and that in the showings the audience can see the joy of dancing from my sparkling eyes.

When Close Is Too Close?

Dancing has changed my perspective to my personal space. I don't mind dancing really close to someone. For example, I feel totally comfortable dancing so that my and my partner's foreheads and noses touch, or that the dancing stance means full body contact from head to toe. Besides, usually its a lot more easy to follow the lead if there is a strong body contact between the dance partners. Before I started dancing my need for personal space was quite big, and I have to say I needed some time to get to this point.

However, there has been times when close has been too close. It is hard to explain why it felt uncomfortable but after the few bad experiences I have been avoiding dancing with those dancers. In theory, the girl should be able to determine how close the dance stance is, but some guys don't seem to understand the subtle hints. For instance, if the girl moves her hand from the guy's neck to his shoulder, he should (and usually does) understand it as a hint for more distance. Leaders on the other hand can quite easily move the girl away if she gets too friendly. It is a fine line between close and too close and I still haven't been able to figure out when or how the line is crossed.

This week has been pretty intense. Dancing practices every single day and, surprisingly, I wasn't able to say no to any of the dance parties. Spex practices have been going well but there has been an unpleasant change of plans: the directors decided to change the order of some of the dances. This means that all the hard planning our team leaders made for figuring out the dancers to each dance has been messed up. Now there is going to be few really fast changing of clothes etc. between the songs. Well, we just have to live with the dicicion and make sure that the audience doesn't notice anything.

What comes to the dance parties, I especially liked yesterday's HOS Big Band's gig in Kokomo. Awesome Latin music and lots of pro dancers in the dance floor. The only negative thing was that the dance floor was a way too small for all of us. Wednesday's ballroom dancing party was also a success and I'm definitely going to the next one also. Tuesday's Zouk party wasn't that inspirational for me, but it was only due to the fact that I was little tired after my Spex practice and somehow I just wasn't in the right mood for Zouk that time.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to a Spex weekend. I bet it is going to be heaps of fun but also hard work. All the experienced spexers have been saying that the weekend has always been memorable so I'm looking forward to it. But now I'm off to bed to get a good night sleep and the energy I need for the weekend!

Balance.

Monday have become my relaxing day. I spend all my Monday evenings watching girly TV-shows, reading women's magazines and listening to my favorite music. I refuse opening any school books and try to avoid dancing practices. I am the kind of person who likes being active and doing lots of things, but the downside of this is that many times I find myself doing hundred percent all the time, not being able to slow down and stop. Lately I have noticed that I keep on repeating this pattern even with dancing: I keep on searching for dancing events, feel bad if I cannot make it to every practice and cannot say no if there is a chance to dance. I have been thinking if I should cease all other dancing practices except Spex until the showings are over, but the problem is, I really don't want to! This week, for example, there are three dancing parties I would love to go and I am pretty sure I am not able to say no to all of them. Well at least I have no difficulties finding things to write about.

Mr. A. was right when he warned me that dancing might change your social circles dramatically. I haven't been seeing my friends for ages, a thing I feel quite bad about. I also feel like I have nothing to tell my friends because I spend my free time just dancing, and I think most of normal people are not that into dancing that they would like to listen my dancing-related monologs. Actually one of the reasons I write this blog is to be able to have that monolog here without making my listeners yawn (or at least I cannot see them yawning!). This is quite opposite with dancers. It is funny that I don't know much about the people I dance with every week. I have no idea what they do, what they study or where they work, but I know how they react to music and use their bodies to lead. When we talk, we talk mostly about dancing. That is totally fine since I enjoy discussing about the topic, but I wouldn't mind learning something else about them too.

I apologize for the short and rambling posting, but it is Monday and I don't feel like stressing too much about it!

This evening's music: Kings of Convenience: Declaration of Dependence.

A Weekend Full Of Dancing.

The first time I went to HOT-Dance's party I barely knew anyone. This time, however, it was a way too easy to spend most of the time in the dance floor since there were lots of familiar faces from my dance classes. It wasn't an attendance record but the dance floor was still quite crowded. It was a good thing that many beginners showed up, but the downside of this was that after dancing with beginner leaders my upper body got really stuck. If the beginner classes' teachers are reading this, could you teach the guys how to hold a girl properly, please!? It was really nice party, though I didn't get many of those oh-that-was-a-mind-blowing-dance-experiences. This sounds like I didn't have fun, but no, I really enjoyed the evening. I enjoyed it so much that apparently my right knee got angry at me! There were many great leaders too, and I was lucky enough to dance with them more than just a one dance. It was quite hard at times to ask them for a dance because all the other girls wanted to dance with them too, so you had to be quick between the dances or you missed your chance!

Next morning I could feel the dance party in my feet when I headed to my and JV's Zouk practice. To compensate the dance party's lack of emotionality I suggested to do a practice where we could try to get the right feeling to our zoukking. We listened a song and went through its story, and then made that story happen. We didn't make the figures perfect but we really lived through the story. It felt amazing: this is how dancing should always be! I was surprised when JV said my Zouk has developed a lot. We've only had couple of practices (plus a two week break again!) and I still have really fundamental problems with Zouk, such as balance difficulties and uncertainty with basic step technique. Well, I just need more zoukking (and less breaks!) and maybe then also I am going to be confident about my progress.

I really wanted to go see JV compete in the Freaca Latin competitions but I had Spex practice for dance 3 Saturday evening and Spex goes first to anything at the moment. The practice was good and now I'm finally getting the hang out the choreography. It really helps to sleep couple of nights and let the choreography rest a while. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't be lost most of the time while dancing this dance but I'm sure I'll learn it well for the premiere. Talking about the premiere, tickets for it are already sold out! So go and get your tickets soon before all the other showings are full!

Today we had a Spex go-through. Compared to last week my feelings are really positive even though many dancers seemed to have the opposite thoughts. Right, we did many mistakes but everybody is getting better and better. The feedback for us dancers were that we have to invest in our facial expressions and to the finishing of our moves. We also have to remember the 3-meter rule: you have to keep your role three meters after exiting the stage. The dance isn't over when the music or choreography ends but when you are sure the audience cannot see you anymore!

So, only three weeks till the premiere. It is a short time if I think that it means only three practices for each dance. I can see that the pressure is already getting tighter in our dance group, so I hope everybody will remember to keep the spirit up until the end. After all, this is meant to be fun!

Can You Dance With A Broken Heart?

Even though you love something from the bottom of your heart, enough is enough. I really needed the two day break from dancing, not only because of my sore body but because of I just needed it. On Wednesday, on the other hand, I needed to dance again. Those who know me knows the reason why, and it is not just because I hate airports. One thing I love about dancing is that I can forget everything that is happening around me and in my life while I dance. If I feel down, dancing is the best way to lift up my mood. That said, I cannot help wondering: is dancing just a way to escape the reality?

Even if it was, Wednesday's Spex practice for dance 1 did it's job, and I came back home smiling. Luckily, my ruptured muscle was healed and my foot was feeling okay in the practice, and I'm hopeful it will be quite good soon. We finished the choreography for the second verse and I was happily surprised about it. I cannot reveal anything specific but I can say everybody's eyes are going to be in me during it!

Yesterday I had as many as four different dance practices. First I had HOT-dancing's Slow Fox class which I unfortunately had to leave early for Spex dance 4 practice. Unfortunately because Slow Fox is a dance I really enjoy dancing and we were doing great technique practices. The idea was try to maintain a constant movement to the slow steps and to find a balance while doing it. Our teacher gave me a pat on a back from my good body control, yay! Spex practice wasn't that much about dancing and I sneaked out as soon as I dared to run to advanced class' Cuban Salsa. Still I was really late and missed most of the class, but fortunately the first part of the class was mostly revising the last week so I was able to catch up easily. At one point of the class I got this hysterical fit of laughter and I think everybody thought I lost my marbles. But really, I was just having crazy fun (I hope my dance partner didn't think I was laughing at him, that wasn't the thing!).

After the practice I met up with Mr. A. and danced until late. I thought I could have a bit longer practice after my break even if I had work the next morning but when I was going home I got a message saying: "Hey, remember the 7 am Spex practice tomorrow morning! Have a good sleep!" I seriously was living in this illusion that the practice was 7 PM! Well, 5 hours is enough sleep, isn't it? At least that I was trying to convince myself. Anyway, the practice with Mr. A. was fun and again we kind of skipped the technique training. It is great that I feel like I can try new things with him, and if it doesn't work we'll just laugh about it together.

Yes, today started with 7 am practice followed by a full day at work. Good thing is that now I have time to rest a while before tonight's HOT-dancing party. Talking about it, I should start preparing for it!

Good And Bad News.

Here are some quick updates from last week's dancing:

- Tuesday's Spex practice for dance 1 went great and I am now really excited about this dance! Our choreographer said we'll need only two more practices together to be able to finish the choreography. Love love love this dance!

- I was able to get back my light feeling in Zouk in Havanna's Zouk party on Tuesday evening. I danced 'till I was too tired to continue and missed my bus while dancing with one great Zouk dancer. Later he said he was really happily surprised dancing with me, which made me smile.

- I noticed in Wednesday's beginner Salsa class, that I'm already pass this level. Sadly, I even felt bored going through some moves. Fortunately I had a practice with Mr. A. after the class, which saved my day. We played great music, danced whatever felt good and simply had FUN. Awesome.

- Thursday was a long dance day, since I had two HOT classes and Spex practice. In the intermediate class we had Bugg, and I am still struggling with the basic steps and the hand press, so I decided to find someone to teach me those. Salsa was fun as always, and the Cuban style is already getting easier and more natural for me. In Spex practice we went through choreography for dance 2 for the first time and it is just perfect for the song. I really like the atmosphere of it and I'm happy to dance this song.

- I asked someone from HOT-dancing classes to be my practice partner and he said yes! I have been wondering for a long time if I should ask him but I was afraid he would say no. Well, it was good to be brave this time! He is a fun guy, has a lot of potential and the right attitude. All we need to do now is to find a suitable practice time and place. Well, realistically we won't start practicing together before my Spex dances are over, but I'm already looking forward to it.

- Friday started a less-fun dancing period for the rest of the week. We were practicing new choreography intensively for Spex dance 4 because our choreographer was in Helsinki just for the weekend, and I somehow managed to rupture my muscle. I was hoping that it wouldn't be too bad, and the next morning it was feeling okay. But when I went to the practice, it just (surprisingly!) got worse, and I got worried. It even hurt to walk up the stairs! Good thing I had to skip Saturday's Spex go-through and was able to rest my muscle for the rest of the day.

-Sunday was probably the worst day for a long time, and I felt horrible already when I was going to my Spex dance practice in the morning. My brain didn't work, I had to learn one more new choreography (in which I didn't succeed) and it just wasn't my day. I had two dance practices in the morning and Spex go-through for the rest of the day. When I finally got off from the practices I was exhausted and felt miserable. Even though I did okay in the go-through, I felt like people were disappointed in me for not remembering my choreography and standing out from everyone else's good performance. It didn't help that at some point in the practice I also landed badly to my right foot which is now hurting really badly. Ouch. Now I'm having a two day break from dance practices and praying that my body to heal during that. Let's hope that next time I have only good news to tell.

Story Of My Dance.

The music starts, strongly. I close my eyes for few seconds. He takes me into his arms. His body is tense like mine. A sudden burst of anger flows through me. We dance faster, forceful and strong, as the music deepens. I glance myself from a mirror: my eyes are small and fierce. I hear his breathing in my ear and feel his heartbeat becoming faster and faster.We spin around again and again, and my angriness grows until it is the only thing I feel.

Suddenly the feeling of hatred disappears and replaces with ultimate happiness. I can hear the music has changed into light and soft. My body relaxes and my face is beaming. Our steps are gentle and airy as we flow through the dance floor. Everything in life seems to be perfect. My heart is warm and full of pure joy. This is how everything is supposed to be, this is what I always wanted.

Then, slowly, my heart becomes filled with suspicion. It is just too perfect to be true. My suspicion pushes the warm feeling away, and makes me shiver. No, I don't want to let it go, I want the feeling back. But the more I try to reach back to the happiness the more desperate I become. It is like trying to prevent water running from my hands, useless. What if it is gone for good? What if I cannot be happy again? Or was it even true in the beginning, or just a false dream? I close my eyes and refuse to look my sad reflection from the mirror. I'm afraid what is going to happen when the music stops. I don't want it to stop, I want to go back to my perfect moment.

The music stops and I am overwhelmed with my emotions. He thanks me and gives me a short smile. I smile back and return to the reality.