A lot of dancing is psychological, a fact that can be easily noticed from yesterday. In the beginning of the practica I felt good and I felt that I danced good. Little by little I started to get this suspicious feeling that the other dancers were judging me in some way; paying attention to my, oh still so many, mistakes in my technique. So I started to pay attention to those and - no surprise here - started to dance badly. The last straw was a dance with my teacher who not even slightly tried to hide that he was testing everything, every single move, on me, whether I was able to get through with those or if I was I a lost case after my six-month dance holiday. After that dance it was just impossible to dance well, follow well or to do anything well for that matter (not even that fake smile that I tried to put on, damn it). Why? Because I thought I couldn't and that restricted my dancing tremendously. If you think you can't dance well, you simply can't.
Those negative feelings I gathered during the evening reminded me some of the feelings I had about dancing six months ago. That I wasn't never good, that I was totally useless if I didn't go forward all the time, that it was my responsibility to improve if I wanted to get, as a prize for that improvement, enjoyment from dancing. And if I didn't see that improvement I got angry at myself. However, all of this negativity is just in my head; none of it is true. A better question is that why I had these kind of feelings again now that I'm back home? I never, ever, had that in Brisbane. The problem is, I think, that I have accidentally somehow programmed my mind to work that way here. So if there is some triggering factor, I easily overreact. As I said, I need to be re-programmed.
Really, there was no-one judging me. No-one except my hardest critic: me.
Se mitä sanot, on niin totta: kun luulee ettei tanssi (tai tee mitä tahansa) hyvin - niin ei tee. Se on juuri se oma pää, jonka ylitse pääseminen on vaikeinta. Mikä auttaisi koodaamaan oman mielen uudelleen?
ReplyDeleteMä uskon, että muutos lähtee liikkeelle juuri sieltä omasta päästä ja ajattelusta: jos ajattelee yleisesti negatiivisesti jostain, niin siitä tulee negatiivinen asia itselle - ja toisin päin. Siispä pitäisi aina keskittyä asioiden positiivisiin puoliin. Kaikesta (ainakin lähes kaikesta) voi loppujen lopuksi löytää jotain positiivista. Kun puolestaan tietoisesti ajattelee pidemmällä ajanjaksolla positiivisesti, niin siitä tulee automaatio.
DeleteTai näin ainakin toivon :)
I think that - as I've probably said many times - the most important thing to re-program is one's attitude. Because dancing is "just" a hobby for most of us, or maybe even a lifestyle, and that is supposed to something that's fun. For a dancer like me, who has been dancing since I was a kid and learning most of my dancing at parties, dancing has always been about having fun, not about achieving. I love learning new things, challenging myself and stepping out of my comfort zone, but I think the most important thing is to enjoy yourself and not think about what other might think of you.
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