Dancing And Dating Equal to Problems?

One thing that always seems to wake opinions is dancing and dating. Many of my female non-dancer friends say that their boyfriends most probably might not like them to dance couple dances, and use that as a final argument for why they can’t even try couple dancing. My answer for that is that I would never even date someone who would forbid me dancing! (My male non-dancer friends' argument is then again that dancing is too gay - how mature of them...)

My girl friends might have a glimpse of truth in their thinking though. Since I have been single most of the time I’ve been dancing, dancing has been kind of a boyfriend for me. You see, closeness is something that I need regularly or otherwise I’ll get anxious and restless, and this need is easy to satisfy simply by going social dancing. Just to make clear, by closeness I mean only physical contact with someone without any romantic or sexual connotations. Sure, there are other ways to fill the need, but dancing is a really easy one, I’ve found. However, even if dancing as a boyfriend can fill up the need for closeness, it can’t anywhere near replace a real one. I wouldn’t even talk about replacing, actually its a really bad word to use in this context. The boyfriends most likely weren't worried about replacement anyway, but the actual closeness.

What comes to dancers then, I’ve noticed that some of them act interestingly when they start dating someone. Some try to hide the whole thing as like they were thinking that other dancers wouldn’t dance with them as they used if they found out s/he wasn’t single anymore. The other opposite is that the dating dancer completely change the way s/he dances. Some might change the way they dance only when their new partner is around. Some might just disappear from the social dancing scene. Excuse me, but why would I be interested of someone's marital status in the dance floor? What interests me is the moment of dance.

Most part of me don’t really understand why you would have to somehow change your way of dancing when dating. I wouldn’t change my behavior towards my friends either, for example. Being physically close to someone is just part of couple dancing, and that’s all. It’s like... kissing as part of acting in a romantic play: there’s no other meaning to that “fake” kiss, even a passionate one. The original meaning of the kiss is gone. Sure, there are limits to the closeness in dancing and yes, there can be only a fine line between what is appropriate and what is not, and maybe that is what’s making the dating dancers confused. How close can I dance? Is it okay to have a passionate dance with someone else? Am I allowed to or should I get jealous when seeing my partner in a really close and passionate dance with someone else? It must be even more confusing for non-dancers. I remember feeling quite disconcerted when I stated to dance some closer-contact dances. I guess that for majority of people a physical contact could mean some sort of an interest from or towards to the other party.

The ones who know me also know that I like dancing close. The ones who know me even better know that for me the closeness is just part of the dancing. I have never asked anyone to dance with me or gone to a dance party with a hidden agenda. I find it really tacky if someone is trying to hit on me in the dance floor. Please guys, that is not the right place at all! Besides, even if you tried I wouldn't most probably realize you doing that. I'm not saying that flirting should be prohibited in the dance floor, no way, that can also be part of the dance. But really, what happens in the dance floor stays in the dance floor. And just for the record, closeness in the dance floor has it's limits too.

Another related topic is that should a dancer date only a dancer or would it be wiser to take a non-dancer instead. Many seem to be in the standpoint that only a dancer can understand the similar passion of the other. Dancing changes you and it changes your life. Maybe only a dancer can understand how much dancing can really matter to you? Many, then again, say that only a fool would interfere with someone from the same dancing circles. Surely, the circles are small - too small oftentimes - and small circles means difficulties, awkward situations and uncomfortable feelings if everything doesn't work out as planned. But hey, isn't a perfect couple, in and outside the dance floor, everybody's dream?

Whatever the case might be, one thing is for sure: no-one stops me from dancing!

Dance Dance Otherwise We Are Lost.

I've mostly been writing here about all the positive and wonderful things dancing makes me feel, and that is because most of the time that is the case. Sometimes, like today, it can be quite the opposite though. Well, I couldn't fall asleep and I thought that maybe it would help to write down those feelings here.

It is weird really, it seems to come so suddenly, without warning. I was having a great day, didn't even feel unbalanced or anything, and headed to the practica with a good spirit. But after dancing a while some small details in my dancing started to irritate me. I finished my moves weak, my posture in preparation was out of line, I jabbed messy with my hands, I missed leadings, my spins were out of balance. I recognized all the mistakes, got irritated, tried to fix them and got even more irritated when failed doing so. My shoes felt too sticky for the floor. I tried leading, but after getting couple of those thanks-but -never-try-to-lead-me-again-looks, gave up on that.

When in an emotional state like that, I tend to over analyze everything others do. When I got home I had created this idea in my head that no-one like dancing with me and that I must have done something to cause that. Why didn't he want to dance with me more than once? It must have been something to do with me not dancing good enough. There must be a reason why no-one said anything positive about my dancing. Why can't I just be a better dancer?

Two words: over analyzing.

Then my thoughts turned into my own behavior. How did I respond to the others? How much positive feedback did I give? How often do I give a negative impression? What kind of vibes do I give to other dancers? Do I seem like accessible and open for anything or maybe arrogant and cold?

My dance classes end next week. What do I do after that?

4th Brazilian Zouk Festival in Finland.

Wow, last weekend... I don't know how to put it into words... was like a Zouk heaven!

Seriously, I knew the Zouk festival was going to be awesome event but it still exceeded my expectations. I had no idea that it was going to be that big and that so many dancers from so many countries would come to Helsinki to dance Zouk. And I had no idea how clearly I could feel my personal improvement in my body! On Sunday's party I felt like I was invincible, like I could do anything, that my body didn't put any limitations to my dancing. And I had no idea how amazing dance connections I was going to find during the parties. Wow.

I don't know if the dance festivals and congresses (or at least the parties!) keep on getting better when my dancing is getting better, but that is what I'm feeling now. Even though Helsinki's Zouk festival was smaller than the others I've been and there was maybe relatively more beginners, it gave me the best dance feeling since far. Maybe the smaller scale also made the atmosphere more relaxed and intimate and that way made me feel more comfortable and confident. I felt like it also enabled to dance more dances with those who I enjoyed dancing the most with.

So, for those who weren't there, the festival included dance parties on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, five hours of beginner and intermediate dance classes both on Saturday and Sunday, and on Saturday's party we were treated with four Zouk shows from the teachers. Talking about them, we had four amazing visiting teachers, Leonardo&Layssa from Brazil and Daniel&Leticia from Barcelona, plus our own local teachers Freddy&Andressa and Soile. I liked that the workshops concentrated more on technique than figures, and this time I was trying to get a double gain from those by learning also the leader's part. One memorable moment from the classes was when D&L commanded us who took part to their intensive workshop on August to come in front of everyone and do a Mzouk stepping technique practice - how awkward! My favorite classes, though, were from L&L where they taught body movements and how to lead them clearly. I'm not even exaggerating by saying that every leader later used those techniques in the parties, and Leonardo then again was constantly surrounded by a crowd of followers there (no wonder - I was part of that crowd!).

Here is some demos from L&L, D&L and F&A I took during the workshops:

The weekend showed once again that dancing isn't just moving to a music but there is a strong emotional connection to it. Dancing can put you to a highest heaven or in a worst case crush you down badly. I wasn't the only one to shed some tears during the weekend; mine were from happiness but I saw couple from sorrow too, something not that foreign also for me. The emotional connection is one of the reasons why dance though.

There would be so much more to say about the weekend but it is so hard to describe how great, warm and excited feeling I had there. All I can do, I guess, is to thank especially those who put me to the Zouk heaven in the dance floor. You know who you are.

Before the after-festival-depression was able to hit anyone, we had a special drop-in class from F&A and L&L followed with a practica last Tuesday evening. I must say that it was the most crowded and relaxed drop-in I've even been. Usually Freddy is always watching everybody with a desparate look and starts the feedback like "okay guys, you need to be carefull with..." but now he was just "okay, you all had your own timing but it was okay!".

Photos by Berg Chabot.

Going Out Dancing Tonight?

Today it finally starts! All the finzoukers have been waiting for this weekend the whole autumn. What am I talking about? The 4th Brazilian Zouk Festival in Finland of course! My weekend will therefore be dedicated just for dancing: days for Zouk workshops and nights for Zouk parties. There can’t be a better way spending a weekend than this!

I had big plans to let my sore body recover this week for the festival but, surprisingly, my feet are actually hurting from yesterday’s dancing practices. I finally went to HOT’s Thursday class to give it a try to Lindy Hop, a new swing dance for me. Swing dances aren’t really my strongest dances at all but I find it useful, and most importantly fun, to go back to beginner level and try to learn something different. After the class I had a practice with N Girl to recall some of that Mzouk technique we learned in Barcelona last August. The end result wasn’t that encouraging I was hoping for! I just might try to avoid all the mzoukkers in the festival… One positive surprise was (though not related to Mzouk) that I noticed my leading skills have improved quite a lot and I was even able to lead N Girl the moves we have been doing in the drop-ins! Yay for me!

Anyway, I got to get going to HOT’s dance party soon. It’s a fancy dress party so I’ll try to get some pictures to post here. I can’t promise you anything though, since I have only two hours dance time before running to an opening party of the Zouk festival! Please time; go slow for me this time, will you?

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;
No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet
To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.
- George Gordon

I Want A Camera That Takes Better Dancing Pictures.

I noticed I haven't been posting any pictures here for a long time. Actually lately I have been forgetting my camera to my bag in dance events since I've been too busy dancing (I can't be blamed really, can I?). It is also quite challenging to get good pictures with my not-so-fancy-camera when everybody is moving all the time (they can't be blamed really, can they?). Anyway, today I decided to fix this flaw and took some shots from today's Zouk practica in Etnofitnes.

Here is also some random dance pictures I found from my camera.

And finally, something from my dance trip to Barcelona.

Coming back to the Zouk practica, I was delighted to see many persistent beginners practicing their moves there. Even couple of new-comers showed up! For me, the three-hour dancing session conveniently took my thoughts away from the matters that had been bothering me the whole day. My balance decided to stay home though I guess. Some days I just feel more unbalanced than the others. I was wondering that if your life is somehow unbalanced does it become concrete in a way that you feel unbalanced on the dance floor too? Hmm, or maybe I’m just overanalyzing my body’s unbalance. Anyway, the Sunday evening ended up my dance week perfectly and I especially enjoyed the couple of dances I had with F with who I haven’t had a chance to dance for a long long time. I just wish my balance would have been there to share those moments with me!

We Should Consider Every Day Lost On Which We Have Not Danced At Least Once.

This week has proven me that dancing can be quite an exercise. After a busy dance week my body feels so exhausted and tired I started to wonder if I did a bit too much dancing during the week. I have also been starving all the time the last two weeks. Seriously, dancing cannot need that much energy that my body is carving! Well, this must be good practice for the next weekend's incoming Zouk festival. Oh, its going to be awesome, I tell you!

This week has been special at least for two reasons. Firstly, on Monday I checked out Footlight's new dance ware store and got myself new lower high-heels for the Zouk festival. I've had this negative attitude against dancing Zouk in high-heels but finally I decided to get rid of that mentality. Besides, if I think I cannot do something, I most probably won't be able to do it. Yes, high-heels disturb my balance but I've found out that dancing Zouk with heels is not an impossible mission after all. I think I did quite well in a practice with JV and Friday's party in HSA. I have started to use more high-heels also in ballroom dance parties. Just a some more practice and my balance will be fine I think. This might sound funny to you but this discovery simply made me happy. It was kind of excelling myself and my old way of thinking.

Another speciality was that I had dance practices with not one but two new leaders I haven't had one-to-one practices before. Or actually the number is technically even three because on Thursday evening I had an extempore Bachata practice with a HOT dance teacher after being dumped by someone with who I agreed to have practice that evening (you recognize yourself, so shame on you!). Anyway, Wednesday evening after my Voguing class I went zoukking with Carlos who had asked me to practice with him after reading my last blog posting. You get what you ask, huh! I find it useful to practice with someone with who I haven't been dancing much since I seem to identify some strengths and weaknesses I haven't paid attention before. It also makes me feel good if I can give some advice to someone else. Many dancers have helped me improve my dancing so why not to do the same myself if I have skills to do that.

On Friday then again I had my first practice with Bob. I had danced with him only couple of times in HOT's and POT's parties, and even though our dance backgrounds and styles differ a lot I instantly felt a great connection with him in the dance floor. I am usually really shy on asking anyone to have a dance practice with me, especially if I don't know the person, but this time my burst of courage paid back when he agreed without further ado. I had a great time with him and by chance we even had one dance teacher present in the practice to give us some feedback. Funny how fast three hours can go! Let's do this again some time soon, shall we Bob?

“In answer to a question you asked me not a long ago, a question I didn’t answer at the time…it is worth it. Love is a perilous dance too, you see. And if we stop dancing, we’ll die. Don’t ever stop dancing.” - Kate Avery Ellison

Dance Therapy.

This week proved once again how dancing can make me forget all negative things. Some things have been happening in my personal life that have made me feel really down and especially this week's Tuesday was horrible. Maybe that's why I activated myself dance-wise and filled up the rest of my week with different kind of dancing: Tuesday evening's Zouk drop-in, Voguing, practice with JV after a long long time (gosh his leading has improved into a whole new level!), choreo practice with Mihaelo, POT's crossdressing-themed dance party (I felt so bad not having a camera with me here! You should have seen the costumes people had on - amazing!) and introduction workshop to Rockabilly. Sounds more like my normal dance week finally! Even though I was super tired when I got home from the workshop I got disappointed when I found out that today's practica was canseled. However, soon I will head to Havanna's Kizomba evening. Dancing has made me view my life from a different agle and it doesn't look like that bad after all. It's been a dance therapy really!

What is really great is that when I am having hard time all I have to do is ask some dancer friend for help and they always seem to find some time for a dance practice. Or comforting company if dancing doesn't work out that day. That is one of the reasons why I really love couple dancing: it is not just dancing but a kind of social safety net, a circle of friends that are there for you when you need them. I think I want to keep myself as active as I have been this week and start dancing more again. This dance break I've had has made me fallen in love with dancing again. It's amazing that I can have this love-feeling again and again.

So, if you feel like a dance practice, just call me and I'll be ready, any time. I dare you!

[Edit:] Sunday's Kizomba evening had an amazing atmosphere. Combined with the Rockabilly workshop earlier that day, my mood become almost euphoric. The two dances are like day and night, but both made me smile so wide me cheeks still hurt. Both the energetic, fun and additudinal swing dance and the sensual, relaxing and close Kizomba woke feelings of pure happiness but in a whole different way. I wonder, can you get high from dancing?