Losing and Finding Myself through Dancing.

"I can see it so clearly from your face that you had a great time in the festival". I sure did, why should I hide it! I had such a great time that I don't even know if there are words to describe all the joy, happiness and other mind-blowing feelings I went through during the Afro Latin Flow weekend. There is so much to tell but I don't know how to even start the story. Still after couple of days I feel like I'm glowing this bright dance glow of mine that I have when I'm enjoying myself in the dance floor.

I could start by telling how much I liked the Zouk and Kizomba workshops I went to, or maybe how I somehow ended up doing an extempore dance demo in the first workshop with a dance teacher I had hardly never danced before. Alternatively I could start by telling about my lack of sleep, my sore feet and a pile of sweaty clothes as a prove of well-danced weekend. I also could start by telling how much I enjoyed the "Good2Great" master class and what new thoughts about dancing it woke inside me. These alone would have made my weekend amazingly good, but there was even a step further and deeper - and that happened in the dance floor.

I could say that there are different "levels" of dancing for me. The better connection I have with my partner and the music, the higher level the dance gets. The higher the level gets, the more I give myself up to the dance and the more I drop everything else. In the highest level there is not only a connection to my partner and to the music, but a further connection to myself, to my soul, to my partner's soul and into the whole universe around us. At this level there is no hesitation, no expectations, no faking, no barriers, no showing off, no fear nor thinking. There are not two, but one dancer. It is a pure dance ecstasy. The dance and energy just flows through us as it would be the most natural thing in the world. It is these magical moments that are the ultimate reason why I dance.

What made the weekend so special was that there were not only one but two amazing dancers with who I reached this stage of dance ecstasy. Gosh, I had forgotten what a dance connection can be in its highest stage! It made me speechless. Two really different dancers, two really different connections. With the other I had maybe one of my strongest physical dance connections and we were truly being a one dancer flying on the dance floor. It was so unbelievable, like a dream! We were so into our dancing that there were times when we tried to stop, gave each other tight hugs and thanks, but just kept on dancing just a few more songs. The other dancer I had danced before couple of years back and I was super excited to dance with him again, hoping to reach the same kind of connection we had before. When we finally met in the dance floor, I felt the connection immediately. With him it was different kind of connection though, like I had known this person, who really was a stranger to me, for a long time. Maybe I could describe it more like an emotional connection, or the similar way we both think and feel about dancing and the way we both connect with the music. One dancer later on came to tell me that she fell in love the way we danced together so much that she refused from dance invitations just to be able to watch us dance. What a beautiful thing to say!

Experiencing and sharing these amazingly strong connections also showed me a path to somewhere really deep into myself through the physical and emotional link. It was like exploring the universe inside me, finding something new and true about myself. I feel like dancing those dances changed something inside me, or rather that I was finally able to find that something and to bring it out. I still feel the warmth and glow coming out from my chest, spreading happiness and positive energy into my life. So, wow, I hope that these two special persons feel at least a small part of my gratitude that I'm sending to them for giving me all this.

On Monday morning I woke up with huge smile that has been following me persistently the rest of the week. However, I think the (way too) early wake up taught me an important lesson: never plan a dance practice for the following morning of any dance festival!

The First Dance.

There is no denying it: I've been having quite a hard month. But the good thing is that I have started to heal myself and learned both to let go and to hold back when needed. I have also started to enjoy my dance practices again (phew!!) and got back that joy of dancing on the social dance floor. In addition, there has been really great news in my career, which has really put my mood up. Really, the timing could have not been better.

I wanted to write some more of one specific new dance connection that has helped me getting back my dance joy. It was something like three weeks ago when we had our first dance and I felt from the very first move that it was going to be something special between us. You know who I'm talking about if you have seen a glimpse of our dance.

There is just something magical in a really good first dance. You have never met the other person, maybe changed only few words before the dance, and bam, you feel like you have found the missing part of you, like you two are born to dance with one another, like you can read each others minds and hearts. Everything else disappears, there is just you two and the music. Every single move is synchronized, there is no two but one, moving perfectly together, feeling the music exactly the same way. And when the music stops, you both are so overwhelmed of the surprise that just happened that you just stand there, stupefied, not knowing what to say or do. It even feels a bit awkward having revealed so much of you and having learnt so much of the other during the one single song, and there you stand, not knowing the other's name or anything else that you feel you should be knowing, and yet you feel like you know this stranger next to you in some special way no one else does.

Yes, it was exactly like this and exactly what I really needed, right now, right there. Maybe my craving for this kind of dance connection was one reason why I just let go completely. In just few seconds I felt like I trusted this stranger with all my heart and was ready to do whatever he wanted me to do. I had so many feelings going through me during the dance that I can't remember the last time I was able to feel so strongly in the dance floor. When the dance was over, I must have looked so silly, feeling kind of lost, little embarrassed and truly happy at the same time.

Interestingly, that was our only dance that night. It was like, if I try to put it metaphorically, having a first kiss, amazing and mind blowing first kiss, when saying goodbye; the kind of first kiss that wakes up the butterflies in your stomach and leaves them flying around. Not surprisingly, I found myself looking for him in the next dance party. When I finally found him, I was little nervous whether our second dance could reach the same level since now there were these huge expectations and no surprise factor putting the extra something into the feeling. However, the expectations were not let down and there I went again, surrendering myself into our dance.

I've learnt to appreciate these kind of strong dance connections because I know those don't happen often. The beauty of them is that every single one has been special in their own way and have brought up different things and feelings in me. I have been lucky to find two of those during the last six months, and even more lucky that both of them live in the same city and go to the same dance parties that I do. What a lucky girl I am.

I'd like to finish with one song that has been on my playlist a lot during this week. It just somehow hits me right now.