Sometimes it just happens. I go dancing, full of energy, having a good day behind me, and then something goes wrong. Dancing becomes just a series of movements. Something crucial is missing. I can't feel the music in my heart. I can't connect with anyone. I can't enjoy.

I start to look around and see all these good dancers around me. I get angry - why can't I dance as good as them? Why can't I be as fun to dance with? Why can't I look as good as them? Why am I even trying when all I do is average? No one wouldn't even notice if I weren't there. Why can't I be the best?

I try to restrain my wondering mind but I can't concentrate. Then I start to feel guilty. Guilty for not living in that moment, for not giving myself into that dance. My smile is fake, my dancing is fake, everything in me is fake. I feel like I'm doing something rude, being unfair. I would want to tell someone, show that I'm suffering, open up my heart. But I can't, I'm too afraid. Then, I start to fear that someone will see through my fake smile.

I panic. I have to get out of here.

That is the worst thing for me that can happen. The most horrible thing is not being able to enjoy dancing and not being able to dance straight from my heart. For me it is impossible just to "step and go into the music". Dancing is something more, its about expressing the feelings that music wakes in me. If I feel angry and frustrated, I could dance and express those feelings but social dancing is not the place.

Also, jealousy is a fast way of ruining a dance confidence and if that is lost, there is no way of giving the best you've got. You just become more jealous and underachieve again and again. For me dancing is more about feeling good inside than looking flashy outside. Its about enjoyment.

That night I left home early and cried. That is just something that has to happen sometimes. If that hasn't ever happened to you, well, I feel sorry for you.