It is weird really, it seems to come so suddenly, without warning. I was having a great day, didn't even feel unbalanced or anything, and headed to the practica with a good spirit. But after dancing a while some small details in my dancing started to irritate me. I finished my moves weak, my posture in preparation was out of line, I jabbed messy with my hands, I missed leadings, my spins were out of balance. I recognized all the mistakes, got irritated, tried to fix them and got even more irritated when failed doing so. My shoes felt too sticky for the floor. I tried leading, but after getting couple of those thanks-but -never-try-to-lead-me-again-looks, gave up on that.
When in an emotional state like that, I tend to over analyze everything others do. When I got home I had created this idea in my head that no-one like dancing with me and that I must have done something to cause that. Why didn't he want to dance with me more than once? It must have been something to do with me not dancing good enough. There must be a reason why no-one said anything positive about my dancing. Why can't I just be a better dancer?
Two words: over analyzing.
Then my thoughts turned into my own behavior. How did I respond to the others? How much positive feedback did I give? How often do I give a negative impression? What kind of vibes do I give to other dancers? Do I seem like accessible and open for anything or maybe arrogant and cold?
My dance classes end next week. What do I do after that?
Don't worry, girl, you are just getting to the next level :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a natural moment in any activity. You are learning something well and then at some point you realize that you actually know nothing and do everything dirty and bad. And that can even be true.. from the point of view of the next level. Will happen again and again, just remember that it's actually a good sign of that now you can actually see and feel way more details than before. Possibly way more detail than anybody else including your dance partners - you yourself can always be your hardest critic.
P.S.
Sure there is also a possibility that you were indeed arrogant and cold lately, but to be frank I have hard time trying to even imagine that :)
Yes, I am surely my hardest critic, and that goes also beyond dancing. But thanks for your couraging words. Sometimes I really need those.
ReplyDeleteTakerrun nyt pikkuseikkoihin, mutta Martha Graham -lainaus kuvassa on jees (:
ReplyDelete