It has been obvious that I haven’t been quite myself lately. Mostly dancing is a territory that I can still remain myself during periods like these but this time I haven’t been able to be myself even in the dance floor. Many say that one of my biggest strengths in dancing is that I can easily through myself into the dance, get lost, go crazy, forget everything else, and losing that strength makes dancing somehow uninspiring. It feels that I have nothing to give and that dancing has nothing to give to me.
I appreciate friends who know me well enough to see these things in a glimpse and aren’t afraid to say things right to my face. Michaelo said it well: I have become ordinary; I have lost that something that makes me special. I have lost that spark of life that makes my eyes shine and heart jump, and there is only one person who can turn this change to better. So I stopped to look around. I don’t want to live an ordinary life; I don’t want to settle to conveniences. I need drama, rollercoasters, big feelings, action.
I can say that I have truly tried to find my dancing inspiration the last couple of weeks and most of my attempts have been more or less unsuccessful. A good start for my search, though, was a free dancing practice to random music with Michaelo week ago on Sunday: at least I felt more like myself in the Zouk practica after our practice. Last week I took advantage from DCA’s open doors week and I stepped out of my comfort zone with different dancing classes (btw, this week they are having open doors week in Saiffa if you're interested of street dances). Some of them, especially Voguing classes, did make me feel excited to learn more and try new things, but some classes made me simply feel like I didn’t belong there at all. Looking at the young girls at the dance school made me ask myself why, oh why didn’t I start dancing ten years ago! I also realized once again that something I really want to learn is competition dance technique. That’s what I started with and that’s what I have been secretly missing all the time. Oh, one cool event I went was short dances in this old city owned building, Hietaniemen paviljonki, that might be pulled down in which some dancers organized dance event to demonstrate this act. Nothing special dance inspiration-wise but a nice cheer-up anyway.
Maybe it is just so that life goes in periods. You can’t be super passionate and excited about one specific thing all the time, even if it’s dancing. Maybe it’s because of my budding trip that makes me feel somehow unconnected with everything. This whole month has been kind of a transition period from my old life to new, and it feels hard to take hold from neither of them. I still have dozens of things to do before my departure and I just can’t move myself to get them done. But hey, I still have three weeks, right?
One thing that I managed to cross out from my to-do-list was checking out the Zouk classes I wanted to take in Brisbane, and you can’t believe my luck: Kadu and Larissa are going to go to their three month European tour just when I arrive to Australia! I mean, come on!! The one time that I actually live where my first Zouk idols teach they happen to come here. What have I done to deserve this tragedy? Okay, the good thing is that apparently they have taught their students well and that the scene should be pretty good in Brisbane. And well, I’ll just take their classes when they are back (but this still sucks badly!).
Going back to the dance inspiration topic, I just have to tell you something that happened yesterday. Something that I haven’t been experiencing for a too long time; something that gives you a never ending pool of inspiration and passion; something that makes you lose your sense of time and space; something I have been searching these weeks but never thought it would come out this intense. After a long long break from dancing in Havanna, must be over six months or so, I stepped there for a Kizomba evening and, suddenly, unexpectedly I went to a dancing heaven. Hours of constant pure pleasure in the dance floor. Every single move made me want more. This is why I dance, these magical moments.
So, ultimately, I did it, I found it and found myself, even if just for a one night.
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